What a long and fascinating conversation we’ve been having here about tenderness. Loooooooooong ago, you may remember the quiz that resulted in our pursuing the tenderness theme: Empath Empowerment, Sophisticated Quiz Answers .
So far we have had separate posts on Disappointed by the lack of tenderness in your life? and More Ways to Improve the Tenderness Factor. Now let’s consider our final items on the 10-point Tenderness Seeker’s List.
8. Avoid Repetition Compulsion
Now there’s a fancy term! As defined at Wikipedia, “Repetition compulsion is a psychological phenomenon in which a person repeats a traumatic event or its circumstances over and over again. This includes reenacting the event or putting oneself in situations where the event is likely to happen again.”
The connection to tenderness will become clear. Maybe amazingly clear, so keep reading.
As a practitioner of Energy Spirituality, my approach to healing the problem of repetition compulsion involves using skill sets to heal astral STUFF at the level of auras. For example, a cord of attachment contains cord items that repeat 24/7 — deeply lodged in the aura and subconscious mind — unless that particular cord of attachment is cut.
Often, I believe, cord items cause behavior that might be called “Repetition compulsion.” And removing the related cord of attachment can fix the problem. Because the client doesn’t really have a big-deal compulsion. It’s more like an itch that couldn’t be scratched because it was out of reach.
Cord items are at the level of aura and subconscious mind. You can’t “scratch” them with your conscious mind.
Even if you become aware of the problem by using a healing method to know what is going on with you subconsciously, what causes a problem with lack of tenderness for instance, guess what?
Knowing does not necessarily bring healing, not when it comes to STUFF. For permanent, quick, and easy results, STUFF must really go. These stored structural and chemical deposits in the nervous system must be removed at the level where they exist — for instance with cutting a cord of attachment or removing psychic coercion.
Cord of attachment removal related to repetition compulsion
Here is a recent example of something that might seem like repetition compulsion. I facilitated cutting the cord of attachment between Gladys and her mother. The cord items included a sequence where Mom started to criticize Gladys. Mom didn’t stop until Gladys felt dirtier than dirt.
Everything that Gladys tried… failed. Mother took a cruel pleasure in making her sweet, pure-hearted daughter feel bad.
When discussing logical consequences from cutting that particular cord of attachment, I noted the following points, and Gladys reacted:
- It’s very likely that, since you were five (the age at which this particular cord dialogue took place), you have chosen friends, work associates, lovers, etc. who were critical of you. (“Yes, yes, yes, I sure have,” from Gladys.)
- This is very common when a cord of attachment contains something really unfair, something that never is resolved properly during that particular stuck incident. It’s natural to choose or recreate a similar situation because you are hoping to get a different outcome.
- With the cord of attachment gone, you won’t feel the need to keep playing that game. You can choose people who treat you well. You’ll find them more interesting, more desirable to have in your life. (“Wow!,” said Gladys.)
- Every cord item acts like a kind of magnet, keeping a person playing the same old games. So if you keep finding yourself drawn to people who treat you badly, move out the STUFF within you that causes such an attraction. (Which is just what Gladys achieved, in that session.)
Of course, in days of yore, psychologists could label repetition compulsion without being able to directly move out the STUFF-related causes. It’s a fascinating prospect, how much more effective psychotherapists, counselors, life coaches, and psychiatrists can be if meeting with clients AFTER relevant cords of attachment are permanently cut.
For all humans, the tenderness factor in life increases when you have less STUFF. Making the same bad choice again and again is a kind of unintentional cruelty.
Treating yourself tenderly means making a better selection of friends, accepting your sexual orientation, approving of yourself unconditionally in every way. All of that can become part of your story, if it isn’t already.
When folks complain “Others don’t treat me tenderly enough,” something is wrong.
When those same folks decide, “I didn’t used to treat myself tenderly and compassionately enough — but that’s changing right now”…. Something is definitely right!
Sticking up for yourself, using speech and action in your present reality — that is one of the most important ways to, surprise!, receive more respectful treatment from others.
9. Move out frozen blocks from your deep past
Most of my clients do just fine by moving out STUFF through phone sessions of Energy Spirituality. But sometimes there will be longstanding problems that don’t go away completely.
That’s when I recommend Energy Release Regression Therapy. Many forms of hypnosis and regression therapy exist, and you may be able to find someone near you who is an expert practitioner at moving out frozen blocks from the past. You might contact Regression Therapy pioneer Dr. Coletta Long and ask her for a referral, as she is the premier practitioner in this field, having developed highly effective techniques to move out these deep forms of STUFF.
Or simply investigate local practitioners and find out which treatment model is used. Most past-life regression therapists do NOT do this type of healing, not yet. So learn what you can in advance.
The great thing about moving out frozen blocks of STUFF is the mysterious intersection between deep memories from other lifetimes, energy blockages and karma.
For some people, you will continue to be treated harshly by others until you have finished moving out the karma/stuck energies from that lifetime where you were a rapist or murderer. Sure, most people choose to have some perpetrator lifetimes while at Earth School. Worth it, in the long run, because of all the compassion we gain!
The most popular method right now for removing frozen blocks of energy is “Do nothing.” In the long run, that method is pretty expensive.
Energy Release Regression Therapy is a form of regression therapy targeting frozen blocks of STUFF, including those from perpetrator lifetimes. Some of my clients have flown a great distance to do this type of session with me, cramming in four or more regression therapy sessions in few days.
If you ever want to discuss coming out here for this type of session, I do recommend that you start with a phone session of Energy Spirituality. Mitch, who schedules appointments, does a lot to help you figure out logistics should you decide to come out to Sterling, Virginia for this type of session. (We are close to the biggest airport in the Washington, D.C. region, fortunately.)
The final point in our list requires no travel, however. Neither moving geographically or into your deep past. Nope, this recommendation is definitely for present time, here and now….
10. Use your power
Of course you have personal power. You can have loads of spiritual light and gorgeous love. They won’t substitute for using your power circuits. God has given you power, too.
It is so very common that people who long for more and more tenderness will go around treating other people as if they were made out of glass.
Really required? For human-type people?
Psychologically healthy people won’t thank you. They’ll feel as though you are patronizing them, infantilizing them, or simply annoying them.
You’re no an angel now. And you’re definitely not living in an astral realm. Well, neither are other humans who have chosen to incarnate here.
Please, please, get with the program at Earth School. Dare to be fully human.
Know one way to tell if you are not using your power as much as you might? Notice how many people take advantage of you.
People will push and push and push you until you say “No.” People will see what they can get away with. Your job is to solve human problems with speech and action.
When you act firm and consistent, effective in ways that you handle others, random people will show you the respect you deserve.
No, that isn’t exactly the same thing as tenderness. But then you’re no longer a baby, requiring tenderness constantly.
As an adult, you can claim healthy relationships, the best they can be under the circumstances. Then you’ll identify certain people who are awarded the privilege of being a close friend, or healer, or teacher. These are the cases where you have the right to expect special treatment.
Special.
An analogy to drive you away from unreality
A car can drive in fifth gear, under certain conditions. Woe to the driver who refuses to engage in any “lesser” gear.
Human relationships start in first gear, with good manners and appropriate recognition that you are strangers.
More intimacy is a privilege that certain strangers can win. Healthy intimacy develops as you learn to trust them. You speak and act toward each other with more tenderness. You hold each other as friends. That’s like accelerating the relationship into higher gears.
Really close, sweet relationships are like driving in fifth gear. That’s where you have the greatest tenderness, right?
In reality, every relationship for an adult isn’t like driving in fifth gear. Babies are different. Babies need to get fifth gear all the time.
They don’t get drivers’ licenses, though, do they?
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