Let’s continue to explore ways that your life could have more of that tenderness. Because if you have been craving more sweetness in how people to treat you, there might be some more important put-ins that could end that horrible kind of pain where life seems unreasonably and unpredictably harsh.

Please start by reading the first part of our discussion about having more tenderness in life. We’re continuing a thread about the very understandable feeling that you are special and deserve more tenderness in how people treat you.

3. If you’re an empath, add skills

Life for an unskilled empath is harsh. You’re perpetually taking on STUFF from other people’s auras, doing unskilled empath merges.

For illustrations, see Become the Most Important Person in the Room. There you’ll also find an easy 30-day program to become a skilled empath, something that does not follow in this post or any post of mine. I wrote it book length because it needs to be book length. Please, take the 10 minutes a day for one month, following that carefully designed sequence. I would love to help you become a skilled empath!

Some empaths don’t quite believe it is a big deal, learning Empath Empowerment(R). Or studying any depth system for becoming skilled as an empath. Many empaths today pay more attention to their Facebook walls than to their consciousness. Then they wonder why life is so harsh.

If I were to use just one question to evaluate how far a person has come at becoming skilled as an empath, it would be, “Do you wish other people would treat you more tenderly?”

The louder you scream “YES!!!!!!” the more room you have to become even more skilled as an empath.

Tenderness needs can be inversely proportional to having a strong sense of identity

What does it mean, developing full skills as an empath. Let’s use a sound analogy:

• The volume of your radio is turned up way high about other people in the room with you. You’ll be hyper aware of what they feel, the subtext underneath their words and actions, their energies etc.
• Meanwhile, when you tune into the radio station about “Me, me, me,” the volume automatically goes way down, becoming practically inaudible.
• For a skilled empath, you learn to hear yourself loud and clear.
• A skilled empath also can choose how loudly to hear the subjective, energetic components of other people. That Space Dial can be turned to any number from 10 to 1. (For most situations in life I, personally, keep it at 1.)

So if people seem harsh or crude or they don’t pay enough attention to you, don’t complain any longer. Do something to upgrade using your empath talent with skill. This doesn’t happen automatically. Tough! Do the best things in life usually come when a person chooses to be passive?

4. Let go of your past, with its tenderness deficiencies

Many an adult is still grieving over the first 21 years. Did you ever wonder why those first years were so rough?

Two words: Life Contract.

Before incarnating, you made an agreement about certain things in this lifetime. You chose your parents, the maximum number of life breaths, and ways that you especially wanted to grow during this particular incarnation.

Based on my work with Energy Release Regression Therapy, I am convinced about this contract business. Earth really is a school, an amazing academy for spiritual growth.

If you aim to grow a lot during a lifetime, you’ll purposely front-load your life contract up to the age of 21 (or for some wildly ambitious souls, 28). Oh, the painful things you’ll include purposely!

You’ll pay back huge amounts of karma from past lives. You’ll set up things like cruel parenting, difficult siblings, family problems with addictions or insanity or abuse or poverty, etc.

Looking back, just how tenderly did life treat you back in the day? Maybe not so nicely at all. Well, in the words of Coletta Long, my mentor in regression therapy, “There are no innocent victims.”

Those awful things that happened… sure you didn’t deserve them based on this lifetime alone. But you don’t need to believe in reincarnation for past karma from previous lifetimes… before old karma clobbers you. You don’t have to believe in gravity for that to affect you now, either!

Big difficulties, glaring lack of tenderness, are quite standard for a human’s first 21 years. You can count yourself exceptionally fortunate if your childhood was lovely in every way.

How you respond to the meant-to-be’s in your life contract — that’s all important. If you acted with honor and integrity, avoided hatred when possible, etc., you set yourself up for a much easier life from then on.

With each passing decade, a higher proportion of your life events and relationships will reflect karma created in THIS lifetime. So do your best with free will. What you can’t chance, sure, accept it gracefully as possible. And call it your destiny or fate.

As for repining over the harshness in your past, such a waste of time! What keeps a person doing that, over and over again? Often the problem is cords of attachment or other STUFF, keeping the past lively at the level of your aura and subconscious mind. We’ll discuss that part in later points. The point of this Point #4 is to live in the present. Let harshness of the past go, to the extent you can, and expect people to treat you well now.

Those days of intensive karma payback are over. Now is time to form some lovely new self-fulfilling prophecies.

5. Evaluate the Niceness Factor in current relationships

As an adult, you have many types of relationship: Friends, maybe a lover, hopefully inspiring business-type relationships with people at work or school, and those ever-fascinating family members.

You can evaluate those relationships, you know. Include in your assessment how well each person treats you. Then adjust your expectations and behavior accordingly.

There’s no point in expecting tenderness or kindness from somebody with a lousy record. Baseball players aren’t the only people in the world where statistics can be gathered, right?

Many people you know have a lifestyle that makes it quite impossible to evaluate the Niceness Factor or anything else about relationships, at least anything with more subjective sophistication than a batting average.

Any of the following will cloud a person’s  judgment, or keep it snowed in for a long-long winter:

• Belonging to a cult, be it religious or New Age or political or healing or money-making
• Having an addiction to marijuana, alcohol, painkillers, etc.
• Spiritual addiction, such as outsourcing one’s life to a spirit guide
• Psychologically analyzing every conversation in terms of your feelings or your past
• Co-dependent relationships that emphasize protecting or rescuing or enabling others
• Blaming one or more people for your current quality of life

So many factors can cause a person to skip over the evaluation part of a relationship and leap immediately into shoulding,  as in “Gladys should treat me better.” and “How sad that Joe hasn’t been saved; of course he acts that way.”

Regardless of your current belief system, if it keeps you from paying attention to your human life, there will always be drama.

Claim your happiness and best relationships by paying attention to what actually happens. What do other people say and do? How do they treat you? What is the balance of give and take?

Evaluating a relationship is not being judgmental. It’s discernment. Also, evaluating your human life appropriately stands as an irreplaceable survival skill.

6. Downplay relationships where you are treated badly

Relationships don’t have to be dropped when somebody scores really badly at the Niceness Factor. A mature adult has developed a range of social skills. As noted in the previous post, many people need to learn some constructive put-in related to handling relationships.

Personally I include help for that in Energy Spirituality sessions, when appropriate, exploring social skills with energetic literacy (i.e., pulling out energetic holograms of my client’s incident with a recent tormentor, using aura reading to shed light on what really happened with that other person, if it was an intentional withholding of tenderness or something entirely different, then exploring the aura-level implications of new types of behavior. )

Therapists, counselors, life coaches, and others can help as well.

Socially at risk

Just because you have learned how to handle a knife and fork, or chopsticks, doesn’t mean you have learned all the social skills needed for a good life. In America, Canada, and Europe, who is especially at risk for lacking important social skills required for quality of life?

• East Meets West people (having one or more parents from Asia while living in the West, or vice versa)
• First generation immigrants in this country with ancestors from any other nation with big cultural differences
• Coming from a family where there has been extreme disfunction due to physical or emotional abuse, sexual abuse, addictive behavior, or cult ideology
• Being exceptionally intelligent (Gifted and talented people are at least as vulnerable socially as people with really low IQs  — something not widely known but definitely true.)

How flexible are you when it comes to social skills for relating to people? Do you have just four categories like the “big” advancement in new Google +, family, friend, acquaintence and “follower“? That sure beats having only the category of (current) Facebook-sytle friend. Still, you may have a way to go in developing social skills to support the quality of life you crave.

Personally, I think it’s fascinating that most of the folks now jumping on Google + probably lack real-life social skills as sophisticated as those four, virtual, intimacy-related categories.

Let’s suppose that you have gained skills as an empath (as appropriate). And you have re-adjusted your expectations as a Highly Sensitive Person (discussed in the last post, including the idea of using a Continuum of Sensitivity; this strategy is more nuanced than the usual HSP concept of simply “dialing down”). Now it’s time to turn to your current relationships. What could you say or do or expect differently in order to deal with real-life people?

7. Remove cords of attachment to those who have treated you badly

Cut cords of attachment, of course. One healing session per each cord of attachment, please. (Anyone who has to cut cords every day might as well wear a signboard saying, “Gee, I sure wish I knew how to really cut cords of attachment.” And any practitioner willing to facilitate cutting more than one cord of attachment during a session may not be giving this healing technique the full scope it deserves.)

Doing the job properly can keep the past from coming back up on you like an undigested Thanksgiving dinner.

Every cord of attachment repeats its set of cord items within your aura and subconscious mind, imprinting you 24/7 until the last minutes of your  life… unless it is removed with a quality method.

Just because you can’t physically see or hear the cord items in a cord of attachment doesn’t mean you’re escaping these difficult parts of your past.

Anybody who has treated you harshly or unfairly or cruelly… belongs at  the top of your list of candidates for cutting cords of attachment.

Let’s pause here for your reactions and stories, as we explore this list of 10 Ways to Improve the Tenderness Factor.

The post More Ways to Improve the Tenderness Factor appeared first on Rose Rosetree.